


Cruel To Be Kind

by strangestolive



Category: IT (2017)
Genre: M/M, Reddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:18:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strangestolive/pseuds/strangestolive
Summary: Eddie didn't want to go to the stupid party and Richie fucks things up.





	1. Part 1

**Author's Note:**

> WOW THIS IS FULL OF ANGST! It’s high key very sad at the end (jk like the whole time) but it’s still great!!!!! Maybe I’ll write a part 2? give it a happy ending???? Hope you all like it! Feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> Based on this request: Hey! I have an idea but i dont know if its any good. Can you write richie and eddie dating, but one night when they are all pretty drunk bev and richie make out and eddie is heartbroken

Eddie hated parties. He really did. The idea of a hundred sweaty teens shoved into someone’s tiny house (probably a stranger’s house too!) with couches covered in cheap beer and bad house music so loud it’s not possible to have a conversation was nowhere near Eddie’s idea of fun. At home in his bed binge watching  _Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt_ on Netflix with a bowl of popcorn was more up his alley. In fact, that sounded perfect to Eddie right now.

Instead, Eddie was sitting next to Richie in his pickup truck parked across the street from Chelsea Marshall’s house. He had already put up a fight about not wanting to come out tonight, claiming he had other, much better, plans. Richie saw right through it, knowing that his boyfriend was being difficult.

Richie turned towards Eddie with his hand on door ready to hop out. “C’mon Eds, it’ll be fun!” He pleaded.

Eddie let out a sigh and crossed his arms. “I don’t even know anyone in there! This is an after party for the football team and I am very much  _not_  on the football team!” Eddie argued.

“But you’re dating me who is evidently on the football team Eds!” It was true. Richie was the wide end receiver on their high school football team and Eddie just happened to be dating him. “Besides, I promise I won’t leave your side okay?” Richie pleaded, making his puppy dog face that Eddie just can’t say no to.

Eddie rolled his eyes and opened his car door. “Fine. But I’m not drinking and since I know you are, I’m taking your keys.” He reached over and pulled Richie’s keys out of the ignition and hopped out of the truck.

Eddie could hear the music before he was even on the front lawn. He didn’t recognize what song it was but it sounded like some Taylor Swift remix. He had a feeling in his gut that something was going to happen tonight but couldn’t quite figure out if it was going to be good or bad.

Richie grabbed Eddie’s hand and gave the smaller boy a warm smile. The two headed inside the house. There were kids Eddie recognized from the halls at school with a few unfamiliar faces thrown into the mix. He assumed they were from the catholic high school across town. The house was already packed even though it was only 10 PM.

Richie lead Eddie through the tight crowd of teenagers and into the kitchen. Eddie felt his hand slip out from Richie’s as the taller boy was greeted by someone who Eddie recognized from the football team. Eddie watched as the guy next to him handed Richie a beer which he accepted easily, taking a swig the second he had it in his grip.

“Eddie, you know Jason and Matt!” Richie said as he stood in between the two guys and draped his arms around them both.

Eddie nodded his head “Sure, yeah.” He agreed when really, he had never met the two before. He studied their looks for a moment looking at their matching lettermen jackets and basic greasy haircuts. Eddie knew that if he ever saw Jason and Matt again that he wouldn’t be able to tell the two apart.

Richie continued talking to everyone he knew, making his way around the house circulating through the small groups of people he found throughout. Eddie tagged along behind him, participating in a few conversations when the other people actually noticed that he was there. Most of the conversations were  _blah_  although Eddie had enjoyed talking to the girls from Richie’s drama class, they were full of funny stories from their days working on the school musical.

It was around midnight when Eddie had lost Richie. He had scrambled off with some friends from his math class to get more beer and Eddie had opted out deciding to crash on a nearby couch. There were a few rough looking sophmores sitting in the corner subtly getting high but Eddie didn’t see any other empty seats around so he settled.

“Well if it aint Eddie!” Eddie’s head snapped up to see Bill standing in front of him.

“Hey Bill!” He greeted back. “I didn’t know you’d be here” Eddie explained as he watched Bill cross the room to sit on the couch’s armrest next to him.

“Yeah,” Bill started, “Suh-somehow Stan druh-dragged me here. Didn’t really wuh-want to come.” Bill shrugged. Eddie noticed that his friend had a red cup in his hand. Bill took a sip of the mystery drink that Eddie assumed was the bright pink mixture he saw in the kitchen earlier. “Wuh-why are you here?” Bill asked him. “You hate puh-parties.”

Eddie shrugged. “Yeah but my boyfriend loves them.” Bill nodded at Eddie. “So I get dragged along to make sure he gets home safe, I guess.”

“Speaking of, whuh-where is R-richie?” Bill questioned as his eyes scanned the room looking for the gangly boy.

Eddie leaned back into the couch resting his head on the back of the cushions. “Beats me. Funny though, he promised that he’d stay by my side all night but I haven’t seen Richie for almost the past hour.” He explained.

“You looking for Richie?” Eddie didn’t recognize the voice talking to him but looked up to see who it was anyways. It was a girl with piercing green eyes and long blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail leaning against the doorframe. Something about her unsettled Eddie, but then again it could just be the smoke wafting through the air.

“Maybe,” Eddie answered hesitantly, shifting in his seat. “Why, what do you know?”

“I was talking to him upstairs about Mrs. Keith’s English class project before that Marsh girl dragged him into one of the bedrooms and locked me out” the girl pushed off from the doorframe and walked away calling out “just thought you’d like to know.” Before disappearing into the crowd of people.

Eddie sat there for a moment. He knew his Richie. He knew that he loved him and the feeling was mutual. Yet for some reason, Eddie felt glued to the grimy couch he was sat on. As if getting up and finding Richie was going to be the end of the world and the couch could somehow save him.

Bill stared down at the small boy and nudged him out of his trance. “Hey, are you alr-right?” He asked worried.

“Yeah I’m great” Eddie replied. But the boy had tunnel vision and before he knew it he was already up the narrow flight of stairs and opening random doors trying to find Richie.

After barging into two bedrooms and one awkward bathroom party, Eddie found the only door that wouldn’t open from the outside.

“Richie?” He called out as he nagged on the door. “Rich, it’s me! Open up!” He jiggled the doorknob with urgency. In a panicked state, he kept repeating to himself over and over in his mind  _You love Richie and Richie loves you._

After what felt like a lifetime, the old lock gave out and Eddie fell forwards as the door flung open. He stumbled before regaining his balance but he might as well fallen face first onto the floor because that would have hurt less than the sight before him. Caught like a deer in headlights, Eddie just stood there, one hand gripping the cold doorknob, watching as Richie had himself draped over Beverly, kissing her as she was pushed up against the wall.

“Richie?” Eddie said just loud enough for the other to hear.

Richie scrambled off of Beverly, jumping back at the sound of Eddie’s voice. “Eddie, hi, wh-what are you doing?”

Eddie could feel his face flush. Richie was kissing someone. His boyfriend was kissing someone who was not him. Kissing another person and then questioning Eddie on what he was doing. Eddie felt like he was on fire.

“I’m leaving.” Eddie said as he turned on his heel, slamming the door behind him as he ran through the crowded house, pushing everyone out of his way without even saying sorry.

He was on the front lawn crossing towards Richie’s car when he felt a warm hand grip his arm.

“Eddie don’t go!” Richie pleaded as he grabbed Eddie’s arm. But Richie was still a little too drunk giving Eddie the upper hand as he shrugged his hand off.

“No Richie!” Eddie grumbled back. He could feel the heat on his face as tears dangerously pooled up in his eyes. He wasn’t going to cry right now. At least not here.

“Eds, please!” Richie tried again and this time Eddie stopped and turned around.

“Don’t fucking call me that!” He yelled. “You don’t get to kiss someone else, kiss a girl, and think that you can still call me that!”

“Eddie, it didn’t mean anything, that was, it’s just Beverly!” Richie argued but Eddie was having none of it.

“Oh yeah, just Beverly. And what? I’m just Eddie, right?” Eddie threw back. The tears had fallen now, the cool water running gently down his hot cheeks.

“No, it’s not like that, you know that Eds!” Richie explained but it was too late.

Eddie shook his head as he wiped his hand across his wet cheek. “No, I don’t know that, Rich.” He turned around and started making his way across the grass.

“Where are you going?” Richie asked.

“I’m going home. I didn’t even want to come to this fucking party anyways.” Eddie jogged across the street and quickly climbed into Richie’s truck. He was supposed to drive Richie home but right now he couldn’t care less. He turned the truck on and pulled out of the spot, driving away from the house, from the party, from the noise, from the mess that was his and Richie’s relationship.

Before turning off of the street Eddie quickly glanced in the rear-view mirror and shook his head. He could see Richie still standing on the lawn, right where Eddie had left him as if he was waiting for Eddie to turn around and come pick him up. But Eddie didn’t. He drove until he hit the town’s limit and then further past that, trying to get as far away from Richie and his broken heart as possible.


	2. Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie drunkenly kissed Beverly, breaking Eddie’s heart in the process. He wants nothing more than to make it up to Eddie but can he say the right words to make it happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay wow so this somehow ended up being almost 3k words long! but my boys deserved a happy ending. it is still sort of open ended so if a part 3 is wanted it can be written! my beta isn’t available right now but anyways here it is so pls enjoy! 
> 
> (also i talk about stars and planets in this a lot but I’ve got no reason why it just happened) Merry Christmas everybody!

Richie lay in his bed, the stupid mistake he made replaying over and over in his mind. It had been a week since he had messed up but he couldn’t push away the thought no matter how hard he tried.

It had been almost a full week and Eddie hadn’t spoken to him since that night. He somehow managed to avoid Richie at school, always leaving whenever Richie was arriving and always disappearing during lunch. Richie had called Eddie probably a thousand times but Eddie never picked up. He had left countless texts but never received any back. Richie even sent Eddie an email trying to get any type of response from the boy but nothing seemed to work.

It would be an understatement to say that Richie hated himself. Currently he loathed himself and knew that he would for the rest of eternity. Understandably though, since he had made the mistake of the century. Actually, more like the mistake of the millennia.

Richie stared up at his ceiling and noted how the small stars on his ceiling glowed in the darkness of his room. Eddie had given him a package of glow in the dark planets and stars for his tenth birthday after he had mentioned how much he liked the ones on Eddie’s ceiling. That was seven years ago now and only a few planets remained lost against the scattered stars.

Richie could feel tears starting to pool up by his eyes again. He had been crying since he got home after school. Richie reached up to wipe away the droplets of water before they could spill over onto his cheeks and knocked his glasses with his fist. Fed up with emotions, he tore off his glasses and threw them across the room onto his carpeted floor, not really caring where they landed. Richie pulled his sleeves over his hands and pressed the heel of his palms into his eyes until he could see stars there too.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” He mumbled loud enough only for him to hear.

Richie stayed like that for forty-five minutes before falling asleep with red eyes and wet cheeks.

Eddie had the worst week of his life so far. It would probably amount to being the worst week he would ever experience, it was that terrible. He hadn’t spoken to Richie since he yelled at him outside Chelsea Marshall’s house before driving away in Richie’s truck.

Eddie was supposed to be Richie’s safe ride home that night but in the moment he didn’t care how or if Richie even got home that night. He just got in the truck and drove as far away as he could. Eddie made it to the lookout point two towns over where he parked the car and cried for an hour as he looked over the small towns below. He watched as the odd car would drive through the quiet streets that were only lit up by headlights and the stars above.

Eddie loved the stars. He loved knowing that they were constant and always going to return each night the same way they were the night before. He always missed them on cloudy nights but it was okay because Eddie knew that they were always there looking down keeping an eye out for him.

Eddie felt bad for the stars that night. They didn’t deserve to have to watch the mess that was Richie and Eddie right now.

Eddie sat in the truck all night, drifting in and out of sleep as tears quietly slipped from his eyes. As the sun began to rise again greeting the new day, Eddie turned the truck back on and drove towards home. Around 7 AM Eddie pulled into Richie’s driveway and parked the truck in its proper place. He climbed out of the car and walked up to the front porch. Eddie opened the mailbox lid and slipped Richie’s keys inside before setting off and walking the short distance to his own house.

“Eddie! Come on open up!”

Eddie was curled up in his bed, a mound of pillows and blankets wrapped around him protecting him for, the outside world. He could hear the banging on his door and Bill’s voice on the other side. He just groaned and rolled over, lifting his pillow over his head before pulling it down to muffle the noise.

“I’m coming in wuh-whether you like it or n-not, Eddie!” Bill opened the door to Eddie’s room and found him hidden under the fluff mountain of his bed. He shuffled his way over and sat down on the edge of the mattress. “So, are we guh-going to ta-talk about it or what?” He asked.

“Or not.” Eddie mumbled back.

Bill let out a rough sigh. He gripped the blanket that was on top of Eddie and pulled it back revealing the small boy underneath. “You n-need to tuh-talk about it.”

“There’s not much to say Bill. Richie cheated on me and he broke my heart and I could go my whole life not needing to see him again.” Eddie explained. He grabbed back the blankets and pulled them over his head again.

“You d-don’t mean that” Bill stated.

Eddie sat up in his bed. “Why would I want to see the person who took my heart and threw it off the top of Kilimanjaro?” Eddie argued. “Fuck him.”

Bill sighed and glanced out the window at the end of Eddie’s bed. “W-will you at least leave your stuh-stuffy bedroom? Your m-mom said you haven’t left in tuh-two days.”

Eddie crossed him arms and contemplated the thought for a moment. Bill was right, his bedroom was stuffy and him not leaving it for two days was sort of gross. The dust amount probably doubled over night. Great, now he’d have to change his sheets and vacuum his room.

“Fine.” Eddie agreed as he climbed out of bed. “But you have to buy me a milkshake to make it worth it.”

“Deal!”

“I’m not understanding what you’re saying Richie.” Stan stated.

Richie tugged on his hair in frustration. “I’m saying that I fucked up and Eddie won’t listen to me when I try to explain how I fucked up!”

The two boys were at the barrens. Stan had originally dragged Richie along while he looked for birds, something about the early spring being the best time to see red cardinals, but Richie had just been complaining the whole time. Stan was sat on a low branch of an old oak tree while Richie paced below.

“What do you mean by how you fucked up?” Stan asked.

“The kiss meant nothing! Bev and I were joking around. You know that she’s with Ben anyways!” Richie huffed.

Stan lowered his binoculars from his face and looked down at Richie. “That’s quite vague, Richie. And Beverly being with Ben isn’t much of an excuse either, technically you both cheated.”

“I know. But… I don’t know. She was high and I was drunk and that annoying girl was going on about English class while at a party! You don’t talk about homework at a party, Stan!” Richie explained. Stan rolled his eyes before encouraging his friend to go on. “Bev and I went into that room to get rid of her since she couldn’t take a hint.”

“And how does this lead to you and Beverly kissing?” Stan asked.

“Bev joked saying that the girl outside probably thought that she and I were fucking and we joked at how ridiculous that sounded, which it is, and then I don’t know, I think she mentioned how we had never kissed each other but somehow I’ve kissed all of the other losers”

“No one wanted to kiss you, Richie-” Stan interrupted.

“You all loved it! Anyways she just pulled me in and kissed me! In a friend way, not in a romantic way, Stan!” Richie said.

“That’s now what Eddie saw though” Stan added.

Richie stopped pacing and slumped against the tree Stan was in. “I know. But he won’t answer my fucking calls and let me explain that to him.”

The two boys sat in silence for a moment. Richie closed his eyes trying to calm himself down. He could hear the faint sound of birds chirping and figured that Stan was already looking at them through his binoculars.

“I’ve lost the best thing I’ve ever had and now I don’t know what to do.” Richie said in a low voice.

Stan carefully climbed down from the old oak and landed next to Richie.

“Let’s start with a milkshake then, huh?” He suggested.

Richie slowly stood up and brushed off his pants. “Only if you’re paying.”

Eddie and Bill had arrived at the diner fifteen minutes ago yet for some reason they hadn’t been seated yet. The hostess had walked by four times too. Each time saying that she’d be right back. Yet the two were still standing by the door and frankly their legs were getting tired.

Eddie was scrolling through his twitter when the door opened signalling the bell to ring beside him.

“Oh hey Bill!”

Eddie’s head whipped up to see Stan and Richie standing in the doorway. He instantly felt his heart drop down to his stomach.

“Hi St-stan” Bill greeted back.

Eddie looked anywhere but at Richie and obviously Richie had noticed.

“Hi Eds” He offered in a soft voice as if he was trying not to scare him.

Eddie swallowed and peered up at the taller boy. “Hi.” Of all the places to go in Derry, why did he and Richie have to end up at the same one?

Unfortunately for Eddie, the hostess had finally come back to greet them. The four boys must have been standing close together. “Table for four?” She asked the group and Eddie took a step away from the others in a desperate attempt.

“No, no, just two-” he started but his voice was overpowered by Stan’s.

“Yeah, actually do you have a booth available?” The hostess nodded and walked away intending for the boys to follow her. They all followed, Eddie fell to the back not looking forward to what would happen once they got there.

Stan and Bill slid into the booth across from each other leaving Richie and Eddie to sit across from one another on the end. Although Eddie didn’t want to sit across from Richie, he was glad that he was able to escape at any moment if he needed to.

“S-so,” Bill spoke up, “w-what are you tuh-two doing here?”

Eddie picked up the menu to distract himself and he scanned over the dessert section as if he didn’t already know the options. This was his favourite diner, Richie had brought him here on their first date two years ago.

“Richie and I were out bird watching and decided to switch up the scenery” Stan answered.

“Birds live outside, Stan” Eddie mumbled with his eyes glued to the picture of the triple fudge cake.

“We were walking by” Stan explained. “What are you guys going to order?”

“Struh-strawberry sh-shake” Bill answered.

Richie hummed. “I was going to say vanilla shake but the chocolate shake looks so tempting right now so I’m torn between the two” He answered while flipping through the menu pages.

“Sounds like a reoccurring theme for you these days” Eddie grumbled from behind his menu.

“Eddie…” Bill said warningly.

But Richie interjected. “No, fine, let Eddie say it. Go on Eds, say what you gotta say.”

“I don’t have anything to say to you.” Eddie said.

Richie blinked back at the boy in front of him. Eddie looked rough, as if he hadn’t slept in days although Richie probably looked the same. “Okay, sorry I assumed.” He went back to looking at his menu.

A few minutes passed and the boys sat in silence.

“Does anyone want to split some fries or-” Stan started but Eddie cut him off.

“Why did you do it?” Eddie asked throwing down his menu and crossing his arms on his chest.

Richie looked across at Eddie and pushed his glasses up on his nose. “Can we talk about this? Just us two please?” He said softly across the table. Eddie sighed but nodded his head gently.

Richie slid out of the booth and waited as Eddie did the same before leading him out of the diner. Richie walked around to the side of the building and stopped along the wall leaning his back against it. Eddie stood in front of him.

“Now before I say anything, just please let me say everything. I know you’re going to want to interrupt but please just let me say it all first.” Richie begged.

Eddie fiddled with his hand in front of him for a moment before nodding, allowing him to go ahead.

Richie explained everything. He told Eddie everything he had said to Stan earlier that day with more detail so Eddie would know the full story. Eddie stayed quiet the whole time. Richie couldn’t read his face though, unsure of how he was feeling or what he would say once he was finished.

“Okay…” Eddie finally said.

“Okay?” Richie questioned back.

Eddie looked around trying to figure out what to say but he couldn’t find the words. “I- I don’t know what to say Rich.”

“Do you at least believe me?” Richie asked hopefully. Eddie’s eyes stopped wandering and finally met Richie’s, his brown eyes looking lost.

“Sure. I mean, you’ve never lied to me before but all of this still really hurts” Eddie said.

“I know that I’ve fucked up so, so badly Eddie and I’m never going to be able to forgive myself for it so I wouldn’t blame you if you never do either.” Richie explained. “I just needed you to know the whole truth before you decided that I’m a mess and you deserve better.” Richie was now looking down at his feet ashamed of himself for all the pain he had caused Eddie.

“This past week without you has been the worst one of my life and if there’s even the smallest shred of forgiveness that you’ll give me I will spend every single day, hour, even second of my life trying to make it up to you Eds, because I can’t live without my favourite person, my best friend.”

Eddie stared at Richie. His curls were a mess upon his head, he had bags beneath his eyes, and his cheeks were flushed with red. The tall boy looked like a mess honestly, but Eddie still had the longing need to want to hold him and tell him everything’s going to be okay. Richie had sent Eddie through hell the past week but he had been there too.

A minute passed and Eddie still hadn’t said anything.

“I can’t lose you Eds, I really can’t.” Richie’s voice was shaking now and Eddie saw his eyes start to well up.

Eddie thought his heart was already broken but looking at Richie right now made him hurt even more. He didn’t say anything but instead closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Richie and held him as tight as he could. Richie hesitated at first, his body tensing up at the unexpected contact but quickly gripped Eddie back and held on to him as tight as he could.

“I’m so sorry and I hate how I made you feel. But I love you so much Eds, I really do and I’m never going to not love you.” Richie whispered into Eddie’s hair.

Eddie’s face was pressed against Richie’s chest. “I know and I love you too” he mumbled against the soft shirt. “It wasn’t okay but I want to fix this” he added.

Richie nodded his head even though Eddie couldn’t see it. “I’ll do whatever you want me to, Eds.”

Eddie lifted his head from Richie’s chest and looked up to see his face. He placed a gentle kiss upon Richie’s lips for a soft second before letting him go and taking a step back. Richie gave him a small smile.

Richie reached out for Eddie’s hand before he could step any further away and laced his finger with his. He gave the small hand in his a little squeeze and his heart skipped a beat when Eddie squeezed back like he always had.

“Do you maybe want to go inside and share a vanilla milkshake?” Richie asked cautiously. “I know they’re your favourite.”

Eddie smiled and nodded his head at the idea. “Yeah,” he answered. “I’d love that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totaltozier is my tumblr so come say hi!


	3. Part 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie cheated on Eddie and he forgave him, so things go back to normal, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow okay so since so many people wanted to see this develop further I just HAD to write it!  
> This was a wild journey of writing for myself and I honestly couldn't have gotten through it if it weren't for my number 1 (one) supporter Jana (alwaysmebeforeyou)! Thank you for being my beta and loving me despite all this craziness!!
> 
> Anyways here's the final part, this is officially how the story ends! That being said, I'd still love to hear what you all thought!

“Morning, my handsome Eds!” Richie greeted as Eddie slipped into his pickup truck.

“Hi.” Eddie gave the other boy a small nod before turning his gaze out the side window. Richie always gave him a ride to school, ever since he bought the old truck. Richie reached out and gave Eddie’s hand a small squeeze before putting the truck in drive and pulling out of his driveway.

It had been two weeks since the party. Eddie had already forgiven Richie and thought things would fall back into place but he still had an uneasy feeling in his gut. He still loved Richie but he couldn’t shake the image of him kissing Beverly out of his head.

Richie lifted his right hand off the steering wheel and placed it gently on Eddie’s thigh giving it a small squeeze. The gesture pulled Eddie out of his thoughts. “You’re quieter than normal, what are you thinking about?” Richie asked.

Eddie looked over at Richie as he quickly glanced between him and the road. Eddie swallowed and looked at the road also. “Nothing really.” He answered with a shrug.

Richie removed his hand from Eddie’s thigh. “Well, you can always tell me anything, Eds.”

The rest of the drive was silent other than the soft music coming from Richie’s radio. The two boys made it to school with enough time to stop at their lockers before class. Stan and Bill were already there waiting for them.

“Guh-good morning!” Bill greeted them.

Eddie opened his locker and pulled a textbook down from the top shelf. “Hey Bill, hi Stan.”

“What are you two doing after school?” Stand asked as they packed their bags for homeroom. “Bill and I were thinking about going bowling!”

Richie’s eyes lit up. “No way, where?”

“The nuh-new alley on the edge of tuh-town!” Bill answered.

“We’d love to go!” Richie answered for the both of them. Richie had been going on about bowling since he was a kid, always wanting to try it out but Derry didn’t have an alley until recently.

Bill and Stan both looked at Eddie, confirming that Richie’s response was correct. “Yeah, it’ll be fun.” He smiled.

“Puh-perfect!” Bill added. “The rest of the group said yuh-yes too!”

“Yeah, Rich can you drive someone too so we don’t all have to squish into Bill’s car?” Stan asked.

Eddie tuned out the rest of the conversation. There had been a weird tension between the group as a whole lately. Especially between him and Richie and Beverly and Ben. They were all good friends, they still are, but Eddie couldn’t help but feel a heavy cloud over their heads when they were all together. Ben hadn’t done anything wrong but Eddie still felt bad for him, just like he felt bad for himself.

The bell rang, pulling him out of his thoughts. He closed his locker and zipped up his backpack. The busy hallway slowly started to empty out as the students made their way into classrooms. Eddie grabbed onto Richie’s open hand and they made their way to homeroom together.

The rest of the day went by like every other one. Homeroom with Richie, math class with Stan and Mike, lunch with all of the losers, science with Bill, and finally music with Richie again.

“Hey Eds! Do you think I can learn Africa by Toto on the trombone?” Richie shouted over to Eddie who was standing across the room in the percussion section. Eddie had wanted to play the flute but his mother refused to let him, saying that his fragile lungs couldn’t handle any of the wind instruments. So, percussion it was.

Eddie rolled his eyes and shrugged as he continued tapping away at the marimba. Their teacher instructed them to practice on their own for their upcoming playing test, not try to play whatever songs came to mind. But then again, Richie always had other plans of his own. Eddie returned his full attention to the sheet music in front of him and tried hitting the correct bars to Mozart’s _Eine Kleine Nachtmusik,_ and cringing every time he hit a wrong bar. He was so engrossed in the song that he didn’t notice Richie approach his side.

“Do you think if I asked Mr. Jones for the sheet music to it he’d give it to me?” Richie asked him. Eddie kept tapping out a broken rhythm trying to get a feel for the notes. Richie gently reached forward and closed Eddie’s folder, hiding the music from him so he would have to stop playing. “What’s up with you today? I swear I haven’t seen you smile once!”

Eddie shrugged. “That’s because you’re not in all of my classes.”

“So, you’re only sad around me?” Richie asked with a frown.

“Who said I was sad?” Eddie snapped. He fiddled with the sticks in his hand, running his fingers over the yarn tips.

Richie frowned from above him. “Seriously Eds, what’s up with you today? It’s like you’re floating on some other planet.” Richie asked, reaching his hand out to brush Eddie’s arm.

“Nothing, Rich, I just-” Eddie looked around to room making sure that everyone was still paying attention to their music. “I just have a lot going on in my head.”

“You know you can always talk to me about anything.” Richie replied sincerely, hoping that Eddie would get the hint that he wanted him to talk.

Eddie sighed. He knew he could tell Richie anything but how was he supposed to tell him that they hadn’t managed to fix things between them? Or tell him that his trust was broken with him? That he had dreams at night of Richie kissing Beverly and it not being a drunk mistake. That Richie said he would do anything to fix what he had broken but Eddie felt like he had forgotten that promise?

Eddie reached forward to his music stand and reopened his folder, turning back to his music. “I need to keep practicing.” He said, his eyes fixed on the large instrument and adjusting his mallets to line up with the correct bars.

Richie nodded his head slightly and shuffled his way through the chairs back to his seat. He picked up his trombone and held it in his hands. He tried playing the same song everyone else was practicing. After hitting five wrong notes he kicked his stand out of frustration knocking his papers onto the floor.

The kid next to him holding a trumpet gave him a dirty look.

“Sorry, the slide hit my knee reflex.” Richie joked as he picked up the papers before slumping back into his seat.

\---

“Okay, so who wuh-wants to come with muh-me and Stan?” Bill asked the group. They were all standing around Bill’s car after the final bell, trying to figure out who was going in which car to the bowling alley.

“I’ll come with you guys!” Mike answered, raising his hand.

“So, Ben and I will go with Richie and Eddie!” Beverly added. “Let’s go then!”

The group split into two, getting into their respective cars. Eddie climbed into the front seat of Richie’s truck and locked in his seatbelt. Beverly and Ben both slipped into the cramped back seat of the cab.

“To the bowling alley!” Richie announced as he pulled out of his parking spot, following Bill’s car in front of them.

“To the bowling alley!” Beverly cheered back enthusiastically. Eddie could see Richie smile at her response out of the corner of his eye and for some reason Eddie felt the need to punch something. Instead he slipped his hands under his legs, pressing them onto the seat.

The whole drive there Richie was rambling on about how good he was at bowling and that he was going to come out with the highest score.

“I’ll be winning with three strikes in a row, leaving you all in the dust!” Richie proclaimed as he tapped on the steering wheel in beat with the music playing on the radio.

“Rich, you’ve never gone bowling in your life!” Eddie reminded him with a smile.

“Doesn’t matter, Eds! I was a professional bowler in another life!” Richie explained sticking his tongue out at the small boy.

Eddie laughed at the sight. “I don’t think that’s how it works!” He replied.

Beverly leaned forward from her seat and wrapped an arm around Richie’s chest. “Oh _Eddiebear_!” Eddie cringed at the name. “Let our Richie believe in whatever he wants!” She chimed while gently patting his chest. Suddenly Eddie could see Richie draped over Beverly kissing her at the party, the memory causing his skin to burn.

“Yeah _Eddiebear”_ Richie agreed. “Let me believe!”

“You can’t live with your head in the clouds forever.” Eddie mumbled. He reached forward and turned the volume dial up, the sound of Journey on the radio cutting off any other noise. He crossed his arms over his chest and slid down in his seat slightly, staring straight ahead at the road and watching Bill’s car in front of them.

Beverly slowly released her arm from Richie and slipped back into her seat out of view from Eddie’s peripheral. Eddie could hear Ben mumble something to her but not loud enough for him to understand. Eventually the song on the radio changed, fading Journey out and The Cure’s _Lovesong_ creeping in. Richie looked over at Eddie and gently pawed at his arm causing him to uncross them from his chest. Richie softly ran his fingers down his arm, sending chills down his spine, to grab Eddie’s hand and hold it in his.

The gesture made Eddie warm inside, a safe feeling spread throughout him.

“Richie, you’re supposed to keep both hands on the wheel.” Eddie reminded him.

“Yeah I know.” Richie sang back. He lifted Eddie’s hand up to his mouth and placed a small kiss onto it with their fingers still laced together. Eddie watched Richie as he did so and he could feel the blush creeping up on his face.

“Richie please put your hand back on the wheel, I don’t want to die today.” Ben grumbled from the backseat.

“C’mon Haystack, I don’t need two hands to steer!” Richie joked.

“Richie, I swear to God.” Ben groaned while Beverly laughed beside him.

“Okay fine, I hear you!” Richie lowered their hands, unwinding their fingers on his lap and leaving Eddie’s hand on his thigh to place his right hand back on the steering wheel. Eddie let his hand remain there for a moment. He could hear Richie singing along to the music, letting the words entice him. This was their song after all. As Richie made the turn into the Bowling Alley’s parking lot Eddie let his hand slip back into his lap, leaving the moment behind.

Once inside, they traded in their pedestrian shoes for the alley’s rental pairs and slipped them on. Eddie had a fit dragging on about how they never wash the shoes and how there’s enough germs to kill them all dead in one shoe alone. Mike told him that he was being ridiculous but finally coaxed him into wearing the shoes. Eddie mentally decided that he was going to burn his socks when he got home.

Richie was the first one to approach the machine and started entering their names.

“Eddie what do you want your name to be? Spaghetti Man won’t fit, I already tried!” Richie called out.

“Eddie is fine, Rich.” He replied as he sat down on the bench.

“Eds it is!” Richie typed away. He called out all of the names once they were in. “First up is Big Bill, then Stanley, followed by myself, next is Eds, and then Haystack, Mikey, and Bev!” Richie explained using his announcer voice. He clapped his hands together. “Let’s bowl!”

“Richie why does yours say _Champ_?” Stan asked reading the screen.

“Because I’m going to win, obviously! Now Bill, get swinging!”

It took a few rounds for everyone to figure out which ball worked best for them. Trading off between eight pounds and eleven, Mike even tried a few times with a twelve-pound ball just for the fun of it. Somehow Richie was actually doing pretty well, falling second only to Ben.

“I used to play with my grandma on the weekends before I moved to Derry.” He sheepishly explained.

Of course, Richie had let his new-found talent get to his head, giving the others tips on how to hit a strike just like him.

Eddie was standing up at the line holding his bright orange ball in hand. He stood tall, analyzing the pins at the other end. Maybe if he visualised them all falling over his ball would be able to read his mind and follow suit. He stepped back lifting his arm behind him as he did and strongly sent it off down the lane. It curved to the right, knocking down four pins on the side. He turned around and stood next to the machine to wait for his ball to return so he could take his second swing.

Everyone was chatting idly with one another and Eddie looked around at his friends. Bill and Ben were talking amicably with each other while Stan and Mike were laughing about some story Mike was telling. Seeing his friends happy made him smile. Eddie heard the machine spit out his ball and he picked it up. He looked back at his friends. His eyes locked on Richie, watching as he helped Beverly with her purple ball. Richie stood behind her and wrapped his arm behind hers, lining her up in the proper position to throw the ball. He placed his hand on the small of her back and moved her into a slightly different stance. Beverly tilted her head back to smile at Richie, their faces only inches apart. Eddie’s smile instantly turned into a frown.

Once again Eddie could see Richie draped over Beverly kissing her at the party, the memory causing his skin to burn. He let the orange ball fall from his hands onto the wooded floor beneath him. He turned and walked away, stepping down from the raised platform and past his friends. They had all turned to look at the sound of the impact and watched as Eddie crossed past them all and through the building out the front doors.

Richie stepped away from Beverly and quickly caught the bowling ball that was rolling away on the floor. He placed it on the rack before leaving to follow the same path Eddie just made. Once outside, Richie found Eddie sitting on a bench behind the building with his legs crossed underneath him. He stood in front of his boyfriend.

“What the fuck, Eds?” Richie asked as he crossed his arms.

Eddie sat there staring at Richie above him. “I could ask you the same thing, Richie.” He stated.

“What are you talking about?” Richie questioned, genuinely confused.

“I’m talking about you and Beverly being all over each other today, that’s what!” Eddie shouted. “Honestly, jeez Rich, she’s got you wrapped around her finger, for crying out loud!” He crossed his arms over his chest mimicking Richie’s stance.

“No, she doesn’t, where is this coming from, Eddie?” Richie asked baffled.

“Today in the car with her arm around you and calling me Eddiebear! And now you’re draped over her again showing her how to bowl!” Eddie argued. “What the fuck is that? She has a boyfriend who is actually good at bowling! He should be teaching her how to bowl not you but he’s too nice to say anything! It’s like you forget that you’re both in goddamn relationships with other people!” Eddie was yelling now.

Richie ran his hand through his messy curls as he placed his free hand on his hip. “Are you serious right now?” Eddie nodded his head. “How could I forget that I’m in a relationship with you, Eds? I fucking love you! Bev is just my friend!”

“Yeah well it doesn’t seem like it.” Eddie spat out.

Richie couldn’t stand anymore. This all felt too familiar. He sat down on the bench next to Eddie and let out a sigh. “Well what do you want me to do, stop being her friend?” Richie asked sarcastically.

Eddie uncrossed his legs, shifting in his spot. He placed his toes on the ground. “Yes.”

Richie stared at the boy next to him. “Wait, you actually- “

Eddie cut him off. “I don’t want you hanging out with Beverly anymore.” Eddie said. “I gave you time to prove yourself to me, Richie. Do you even remember that promise?” He asked him. “You said that you couldn’t lose me and that you’d do anything to fix this mess that you made but I’ve felt more alone these past few days than I ever have and it took me dropping a bright orange, ten-pound ball for you to realise.”

Richie leaned forward placing his elbows on his knees and dropping his head into his hands. “Of course, I remember, Eddie.” He let out a deep sigh before speaking again. “I was trying, I always notice you.”

“It’s not just that, Richie. You cheated on me and continue to mess around with the girl too. How am I supposed to know that everything is just friendly between you two? That trust is gone, it’s broken.” Eddie explained. “That hurts. It makes me feel like you don’t take any of this seriously.”

“How could I not take it seriously, Eddie?” Richie lifted his head from his hands. “I love you more than anything and you know that!”

Eddie pushed himself up from the bench and stood in front of Richie. “Sometimes saying it isn’t enough. You said you would do whatever I want you to for this to be fixed. Do you still mean that?” Richie’s eye met his, seeing the hope that sat behind them.

“You know I do, Eds.” Richie replied.

“Then stop hanging around Beverly.” Eddie stated once again. “If you want to fix this, that’s what you have to do.”

Richie’s mouth fell open. He loved Eddie with his whole heart, with every fibre of his being. But Beverly was his closest friend. He couldn’t just drop her, she didn’t deserve that type of treatment with no explanation. No matter what decision he made, it would tear the club apart. They had all been through so much together, they were a family. When things at home got too tough no matter who it was they were all there for one another. Richie couldn’t make that choice.

“That’s not fair, I can’t make that sort of decision, Eddie.” Richie pleaded as he stared up at him.

Eddie took a deep breath. He could feel the tears pooling in his eyes. This conversation felt all too familiar although last time it ended with hope and now Eddie couldn’t feel anything other than heartbreak. Richie had been all talk and no show the past two weeks and Eddie didn’t know how much longer he could sit around and wait for things to change. At this point it was only hurting him more, expecting the results that were never going to come.

“Then I’ll make it for you. I can’t do this anymore. It’s over, Chee.” His voice had been quiet this time and the shouting was gone, but the use of the nickname stung Richie all the same.

“Eddie.” Richie stood up to meet Eddie but the smaller boy stepped back before he could.

Eddie waved him away. “I’m sorry Rich. I can’t anymore.” Eddie was crying now, he could feel the tears escaping down his cheeks. “I’m leaving. Tell Mike he can bowl for me.” He turned away before Richie could say anything more, disappearing around the building within seconds.

He jogged towards the street, spotting the bus stop a few buildings down. The bus eventually came and he climbed inside, slipping away to the back seats. As he stared out the window, Eddie couldn’t help but feel like his world was crashing down. Desperately trying to slow down his breathing, he reminded himself why this all had to happen. Eddie needed to put himself first. Think about what’s best for him and what he deserves. He needed to be kind to himself and sometimes that meant having to be cruel to others at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hit me up on tumblr @totaltozier! also go follow Jana because she is amazing too @alwaysmebeforeyou

**Author's Note:**

> check me out at totaltozier on tumblr


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